Today has just been one of those days. I'm getting really overwhelmed with school.  In my major in order to graduate you must do a university approved internship. This summer is when I'm aiming to do mine. It's a lot of tedious work like polishing my resume (multiple times), searching high and low on job sites and Google and sending out emails that I cross my fingers I get replies to. To top it all off I am officially going to be graduating a full year later. So, while a lot of my friends and peers are already prepping for graduation in May, I'm mentally preparing myself to endure a whole extra year. All of this stress is leading to a slew of questions. Am I in the right major? Is my resume strong enough to land a good internship? Do I even know enough to be someones intern? Will I ever graduate? And so on, and so forth.  Basically I'm just feeling really stressed and tired lately and it's only February.

I'm just trying to keep a positive attitude and push through any stress. It's only the beginning of the semester still, so there's still time for many more ups and downs! But, for tonight I'm going to give in to my feelings and cuddle with Gidget and drift off into dreamland so I can hopefully give my mind a break.

A New Standard of Living

I found this quote browsing Tumblr over the weekend and it really stuck out to me. I've spent so much time striving for some idea of "perfection" that I have let it consume me and therefore have spent a lot of time being unhappy. I think it's definitely a big mistake I've made.

I've come to the novel conclusion that I will never be "perfect". I won't have the "perfect" friends and family. I won't have the "perfect" social life. My body and mind will never be "perfect". I'm not going to have the "perfect" apartment. My personality isn't going to be "perfect". I could go on. But you know what I've realized? All of these imperfections and things that have stressed me out and bummed me out for so long are mine and I should start being grateful for them. I should be happy that I have a few close friends who love me. I should be happy that, while they can bug me at times, I have such a great and caring family. I should be happy that I've been blessed with a working mind and a body that is free of anything really wrong. I should be happy that I have a roof over my head and that I can call it my home. I should be happy for so many things.

I really do need to start holding myself to a standard of grace. For one, it will keep me from being so hard on myself. I also think it will let me appreciate everything and everyone that I have in my life. Living a life of grace is more about enjoying things, seeing the beauty in life and being thankful for what you have. Life should be more about being generous and gracious and appreciative than obsessing over perfection.

So, here's to throwing the need for perfection out the window. Goodbye to being sad, frustrated, miserable and blinded by something that no one can really obtain. This is a new outlook for me and it will most definitely be for the better.

A Smoke Signal

I haven't updated my title corner of he blogosphere in so long. Partly because I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to share and also because I'm increasingly frustrated with the look of Blogger templates. In an attempt to make this place look fresh and new I have gone and messed up my whole blog and hate how it looks. Le sigh.

I really want to start running this all the time again, but I'm just not very interesting. I'm not married or having a baby. I don't make crafts or cook/bake new recipes constantly enough. I'm not upwardly fashionable or organized. I don't take photographs or make art or do anything intellectually stimulating that is worth blogging about. I'm just a 22 year old college student being swallowed up by homework and organizations and thinking ahead. A bit of an amateur cook/baker who aspires to be crafty and diy-y. I don't have a niche, just my thoughts and things to share that I enjoy.

I feel like that's how I am in real life though. No one interesting, someone people overlook. Everyone I know is so involved in their own lives and milestones that I can't help but feel like an after thought. It's very petty for me to feel this way, I know, but it's something that creeps up from time to time. I have friends that are married, engaged, starting careers, involved with new people, etc... They don't all take the initiative to hang out or talk and I feel like I do a lot of the work. I guess at 22 it's better to start zeroing in on who is worth having in your life anyway.

But, forget all of that. Negative nonsense is just that, nonsense.

If you know of a good place to find simple, clean, looking templates let me know! I'd love to fix this asap. Now I'm off for a long night of adjusting schedules, going to meetings, playing with puppies, and attempting to get some sleep.

On Deciding To Be Happy

I've realized so much lately that life really is what you make it. I've spent so much time in the last few months feeling tired, lonely, miserable, anxious, etc... that I have spent little time actually enjoying much of anything. It's no way to live and it's no way to let yourself feel. A lot of it has to do with things that are beyond my immediate control (i.e. anxiety issues) which then causes me to dwell too long on the negative. This has also left me missing so many positive things and people in my life. This is no way to live. Life is all about perspective and making the most of of everything and I realize that more now than I have.

I really do have a lot of great things and people in my life. I'm lucky enough to have a place of my own that I can call all mine. I am able to go to a school that is one of the best for what I am going for when not everyone has that kind of opprotunity. I have a loving boyfriend who is always sticking by me even when times get tough. I have a wonderful little bunch of friends that I love seeing and talking to. I have a family that supports me in more ways than anyone should be so lucky to experience. I really do have so many things to be thankful for, and I've been ignoring them in lieu of feeling not good enough in other areas.

So now I am choosing to be happy. My life may not be perfect. People may hurt my feelings. I may not always be certain of the path I'm on. But, if I can put a smile on my face and be gracious and thankful for everything and everyone that I do have, life will be so much better and I will feel so much better.

So here's to looking ahead and looking on the bright side. And here's to happiness!

The most exciting news of my life

My bestie best and her husband are moving home to Indiana to LIVE! Words cannot fully explain my excitement over this fact. I have squeeled and smiled and cried many times since finding out and all I can say is that I am SO EXCITED!

Amy and Jeff are probably my favorite couple. Jeff is just awesome and has always been super nice to me.  Amy is just simply one of the greatest friends anyone could ask for!She understands me and I have just as much fun going out and about with her as I do sitting in her dad's living room watching HGTV all night. She is wonderful and funny and understanding. She's always been there for me and while we may not talk to eachother every day or even every week, we've always been there for one another. We tell eachother when we have exciting news or when we need a shoulder to cry on. She has shown me what true friendship is and that even when everyone else let's you down and walks away there will always be at least one person who feels the same way you do.

I can't wait for Amy and Jeff to be in Fort Wayne!

This may be little personal, but I'm kind of just going to take a second and vent and then feel better. Hopefully I'll start for real blogging again someday!

I'm going through a phase, that's what I'm calling it at least. I don't exaclty know what that means, but I am. I feel like I don't know who I am and what I'm doing or where I'm going. I just feel lost. That's the best word I can use to describe it, lost. I wake up every morning with the feeling of a huge weight on my chest. I sleep longer than I used to. I got to bed earlier than I used to. I cry more. I get angrier easier and more frequently. I get in bad moods for no apparent reason.  I can feel it switch on and off and I know when the bad feelings are moving in. I go from extreme happiness and perkiness, to terrible terrible lows where all I want to do is drive and cry or lay in bed and cry or really do anything while I cry because it makes me feel better.

There are a lot of outside contributing factors to this as well as some imbalances in my own chemical make-up that I know need to be addressed. I'm having the hardest time deciding about school next year. I applied to transfer back home, but I'm still enrolled at Ball State. My indecisiveness about the whole thing is plaguing my mind. I also just feel very lonely. It's been a constnat for the last few months but sometimes it just consumes me. I miss a lot of people way too much. I feel like others that I am friends with keep leaving me out of things. Others, just take advantage of me and peoples complete disregard is infuriating. I miss my far away bestie all the way out on the other side of the country. Other things I just can't explain.

God bless Joseph for dealing with me lately. He's definitely the one who gets the brunt of my anger/happiness/sadness. Without him I would most definitely legitimately be crazy. I've been considering talking to a doctor or counselor or something, but it takes a lot of work to get to the point where I feel like I can be comfortable asking for help. I know it will come someday soon and that it will help, it's the getting there that is rough.

To make things a little more lighthearted, here are some pictures of what I've been up to lately!

A Vent

I'm writing right now at 12:30 on a Saturday night/Sunday morning because I honestly have nothing better to do. I spent a wonderful day with Joseph filled with talking and laughing and planning and enjoying one another's company. It really was a lovely day. However, right now I am overwhelmed with a sense of sadness. I'm very lonely. It's a pretty constant feeling as of late. I'm not happy and haven't been in some time. Its been made rather obvious I'm not worth many people's time, not even some of my closest friends. I moved down to Muncie thinking life would be great and I'd make tons of new friends, get to spend more time with my friends that were already here, and really get a sense of the "college experience" I thought I had been missing out on by living in Fort Wayne. Well, I'm here to tell you that I feel as though I made the wrong decision. And I'm only droning on and on about it right now because if I don't say it now (even in blog form) I may not ever say it. People always ask me how I like Ball State and living in Muncie and I always respond with something similar to "Oh I love it! It's been a really great experience. blah blah blah.". It's not the truth. I sit alone in my apartment sometimes and just look around at the vast empty space around me and want to cry for no reason. I try to stay as busy as possible so I don't have time to just sit and think. I do go out sometimes and I do hang out with people, but not in the way I thought. I just feel like I'm not good enough, not cool enough, not interesting enough...not even for my close friends. I've always held true to the thought of quality over quantity, but what do you do when quality even begins to be lacking? Lately I've been contemplating moving back home. Getting an apartment, a new job, and going back to IPFW. At least then I would be around other friends, my family and my boyfriend. I'm so tired of feeling pushed aside and unimportant. And I'm still blubbering on, most likely in a way that makes no sense A. because it's almost 1am, and B. because this is completely me venting in a stream-of-concious manner. If you've read my entire breakdown I applaud you.

I'm going to put in The Breakfast Club and go to bed now. Tomorrow will be a better day!

Kicking the Cupcake

For the last month or so I've been getting serious about losing weight and working hard to do so. I've picked up a real workout routine and began cooking healthier and really paying attention to everything I put in my mouth. I didn't feel comfortable sharing anything about my weight loss journey until I knew I was committed and making progress. This week I hit my 5% goal of losing 10 pounds so I figured that meant maybe it would be ok to give others a peek into what I'm doing. About a year ago I started a blog dedicated to my weight loss, but that never really ended up happening, but now it has! With that I've began chronicaling my thoughts on losing weight and my personal journey again.

If you want to follow along with me and see what I'm up to on that front, head over to Kicking the Cupcake. I plan on sharing recipes, workout tips, my own struggles, and a lot of other things. So if you feel so inclined you can head over there and take a peek!

Oh shoot

Has it really been over a month since I updated? I'm pretty sure I vowed to take up blogging again, ah how time has different ideas. Anywho...in the last month I have...

• started doing Zumba on my Wii 3+ times a week
• began a newer, more structured, "diet"/weightloss plan. So far in 2 weeks I am down 6.2 pounds!
• experienced a crazy ice storm, terrible sever thunderstorms, and beautiful spring like weather
• found out I'm going to be an "aunt" again. (technically a "Miss Katie" since me and Joseph are only dating, but I've been around a long enough time)
• dyed my hair a newer shade of red
• gotten rear ended and NOT had any damage what-so-ever
• attended a candy party
• contemplated a lot of things in my life
• missed some people like crazy
• taken the next step toward adulthood by purchasing a crock pot
• tasted green beer (it's gross and just like normal beer)
• let my nails grow out all by myself
• purchased and iPhone4 which may be the greatest investment ever
• gotten an A+ on 3 tests
• been on spring break which really just meant going home to Fort Wayne and working
• many many other things

I really don't have much else of interest to speak of. It's Sunday, Joseph jst left after spending a lovely, cuddly, weekend with me, and I have a slew of tests and projects to get working on. However, I am feeling very lazy at the moment. Also, I am in love with using Instagram on my iPhone, so here are a couple of pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Happy Valentine's Day!

So it's Valentine's Day and I sadly do not get to spend it with Joseph because he has to work. But it's ok, we celebrated Valentine's Day yesterday by sleeping in, hanging out in Indianapolis, seeing 16 Candles at the theater, devouring pizza, exchanging cute gifts, and just being all kinds of wonderfully lovey dovey. Instead of being sad that I can't spend the actual day of love with my boy I'm going to have a "me" night complete with: painting my nails, making myself a yummy dinner, catching up on Grey's Anatomy, attempting to make these (or just indulging in some Ben & Jerry's), and flipping through this months girly magazines.

Even though I love Joseph everyday of the year and try to show him as much as I can, and vice versa, I am just in love with the idea of having that one special day to really kick things up a few notches or take some quiet time together that you might not normally make time for. So, in keeping with that spirit here are just a few of the things I absolutely adore about my amore!

• He talks to me on the phone every single night right before we both go to sleep, no matter how tired he is.
• He has overcome a lot of obstacles life has thrown at him in the last few months and really worked to make himself a better person.
• Our car rides are probably the most entertaining/fun things.
• He embraces my hidden dorky side.
• He thinks I look the prettiest when I wear my glasses and have no make-up on.
• Panda Bear and Big Bear are used more often than Katie and Joe.
• He is the best uncle to the most adorable tot, and everytime I see them playing together my heart melts.
• He tolerates my new found love for "spider monkeying" him while singing "Baby Monkey Riding Backwards On A Pig".
• He thinks I am the best baker in the world and often requests I make him cookies.
• While we have a lot of differences, we have a lot of similarities.
• He doesn't judge me for easily being able to play a major role in helping demolish a 16 inch royal feast pizza.
• I can talk to him about anything and everything.
• He gives the best hugs and forehead kisses in the whole entire world.
• We mutually love eachother to pieces!

Whether you are single, or happily taken, have a wonderful Valentine's Day filled with love!

A Few Things...

• My mind has been running like crazy the last couple of weeks. I've been so distracted and unmotivated. Sometimes it's just easier to do nothing than to try and push through the blahness.
• I'm trying really hard to grow my nails out. I always try to keep them painted so I'm less tempted to bite them.
• On that same note "Believe It, Do It" from Nicole by O.P.I is probably the the most perfect pink nail polish I've found thus far.
• I'm really getting tired of being in a long distance relationship. (Not the relationship part, but the long distance part for clarification). I know it's only an hour but it gets really irritating to not be able to do normal coupley things and not be able to see eachother when we want. Luckily we've never gone more than 2 weeks without seeing eachother but it would be nice to not have the only times we can travel be weekends and days off school/work.
• I've really been wanting to do an overhaul of my wardrobe. I feel like my style has been slacking lately. Don't tell anyone, but I've even been wearing sweats out in public like it's not big deal...this time last year I would have never ever done that. I just want to get rid of some of the extra things I don't really wear and invest in some cool, classic pieces. That and the fact that I take up my whole walk-in closet and half of the one in my guest room is getting a little out of hand.
• Usually this time of year Amy would be home and we would pretty much be attatched at the hip. This year she's busy being married and studious. I miss her so much.
• Muncie doesn't believe in snow or ice remmoval. It gets really irritating when you try to make a 5 minute drive to campus and it ends up taking 20 minutes.
• The Midwest is freezing. Currently it is a whopping 8 degrees with a windchill of -6. I'm ready for spring.
• I wish I got fun mail and not just bills/ads/coupons.
• School has really been overwhelming me lately. I always have a test to study for, papers to work on, reading to do, literature to analyze, and busy work to complete. Not to mention I'm working on some projects for the magazine pr team and trying to network more through PRSSA. I know it all goes with the college territory, but sometimes it's enough to make someone want to scream.
• My mom bought me the cutest organization/note pads. They are colorblocked by section and have a big bow at the top. The sections are: do, buy, call, email. I love them, and along with my new obsession with making to-do lists I am on the fast track to becoming super organized.

Just Call Me Crash

So, Saturday morning I was driving to my mom's house. It was a little snowy and the roads were a lot slippery. I was minding my own business sitting at a red light, ready to get home and plop on the couch with some hot chocolate, and have some me time before a hectic evening. The light turned red and traffic started moving, except in my lane. I was the third car back and the car infront of the car infront of me suddenly put on its brakes, causing the car infront of me to put on its brakes, causing me to put on my brakes. However, in that chain of events I was the last to know of this whole putting on our brakes thing and had very little time to do so before I found myself sliding into the back bumper of a Kia Sportage.

The woman I hit was very nice and understanding. She just kept telling me that when the roads are snowy and wet accidents happen. I mostly think she was so cool about it because her car had the tiniest little crack on the bumper, while my front end was pretty smashed. She also told me multiple times that she was so happy I was in college after seeing my Ball State parking pass. So, now I am without my car until it can be repaired and I will also be about $3,000-5,000 in the hole. Not exactly how I wanted to close out 2010, especially after totalling my last car 3 days before Christmas just LAST YEAR. I think it's a sign that I should not drive when there is snow anywhere around me in the future.



A Few Things I've Come to Realize

1. You can't make someone act the way you would expect them to act no matter how hard you try. People will only change when they want to, not when you want them to.

2. You have to find your own happiness. No one else can make you happy, and if you expect them to you will be sorely disappointed.

3. People will lie, even to your face, and even if they're your friend.

4. The more you get involved in life the less time you have to just sit down and get sucked into a good book.

5. Gossip and drama fuels way too many peoples lives. It envelopes them like a disease until they can't function without it.

6. True blue friends don't come often. When you get one you need to keep them close to you because they will be the ones who won't judge you, or ignore you, or make you feel unloved.

7. You won't always follow the path you planned for yourself. Life gets in the way. People change. You change. But, it's not always a bad thing.

8. People can be very self-absorbed and blind to others trials and emotions. It becomes all about looking out for #1.

9. Fall is even more wonderful with a hot drink in hand and when you actually take the time to take in the colors, changes, and smells.

10. If you don't love yourself it will be very hard for someone to love you the way you want them to.

Busy Bee

In the last couple of weeks I have become so incredibly busy, at least compared to how "busy" I have been. I've joined a couple of organizations of campus and classes have really picked up. This week alone I have two tests, a 5 page research paper, and 5 psychology journals to take care of before I can even think about even getting any kind of good sleep. Plus I have meetings for the campus magazine I'm doing PR for, Ball Bearings, as well as the pre-professional PR organization I joined, PRSSA. So, needless to say I'm a busy bee lately, which is actually a very welcome change. The hardest part for me is staying focused, which I'm absolutely horrible at, but I'm working on it. I know there are many other people on campus way way way busier than I am, and I'm not really a stranger to cramming 50 things into a day (hello the last 2 years of working 35+ hours a week, 15+ hours of classes, campus organizations, etc...) so I'm really liking the pick up.

I'm nearing 21 and I'm getting really excited about it. Mostly because I think everyone else really hypes up turning 21. You know it's supposed to be this big, crazy, exciting, grown up, birthday and all. In preperation I purchased a pair of birthday shoes over the weekend.

Cue these super fun multi-color, glitter, Steve Madden flats that I'm IN LOVE with! I get way too into my birthday, and once there is a month or less leading up to it I'm in full anticipation mode. I'm really still a lot like my 5 year old self.

As for my apartment, it goes in and out of stages of cleanliness. Last weekend before I had a slew of visitors come down to see me it was spotless. Scrubbed, swept, dusted...the who shibang. A week later there are dirty dishes in the sink and clothes slewn all over my bedroom. Luckily my mom may be paying me a visit Saturday or Sunday so I'll have an excuse to get it cleaned up, and post some pictures of my lovely, humble, abode.

Someday I'll cut back on the lengthy personal updates and be more fun.



Venting my life

I often sit and wonder lately where I have gone. Sometimes I'm not sure I know myself very well anymore. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be, and it's a really weird thing. I used to be very outwardly opinionated, social, outgoing. I could easily make friends, strike up a conversation with a stranger and find common interests. I was independent, self sufficient, all knowing of my feelings and convictions. I didn't need anyone, didn't feel like I had to rely on others for happiness. I could occupy myself, feel just as good spending time alone as I did with others, not insecure.

Now...now I am this mess of emotions. A self-concious, timid, worrisome, stranger I don't even recognize. I stress out over trying to find people I click with. I overanalyze my friends behavior towards me. Some nights I can't stand being in my apartment alone. I register my happiness through the actions of others, and rarely feel like I'm interesting enough for anyone to care to get to know or keep around. Crying seems to happen a lot and I am constantly down on myself. I don't know this person at all.

I've tried to blame it all on moving, on not really knowing anyone, on the stresses that come with a total change in routine. But, I know it's much more than that. It goes back to around this time last year, when people who I considered to be my best friends completely ran out of my life with no explanation. The treatment I recieved from them still makes me angry today...ignored texts, ignored phone calls, the silent treatment, talking behind my back, treating me as though we were never friends to begin with. It really hit me hard because these people (more specifically one person) whom I trusted with everything, that I spent nearly every single day with, that I kept secrets for, that I would drop everything to help, completely turned their back(s) on me. I suppose I never really have gotten over it, especially because there are some extraneous factors that make it even harder to swallow, constant reminders/slaps in the face that we are no longer friends. Not to mention that at this same time the  girl I had been best friends with for years and I drifted apart. It's all really taken its toll over time.

I guess right now I just really feel down and out, though I try really hard to mask it. I do have a wonderful family, a loving boyfriend, and awesome friends. I should be counting my blessings and looking at the positives. Right? Right. "Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself" And end self-deprecating crap.

A silly little vent/rant/disposal of feelings.

I've noticed more and more since I moved down here that I have the worst anxiety ever. Maybe it's just from living somewhere new where I know a minimal amount of people, or something I've been burying for awhile, but either way I don't really like it. I'm really nervous about making friends and meeting people here. It's seriously something that's constantly on my mind. I think somewhere between getting comfortable in my life back up in Fort Wayne and getting a serious boyfriend I just forgot how to make friends and meet new people. For example, tonight the communications/journalism department is having this recruitment kind of thing for organizations within your major. I am so freaked out about having to go by myself that I don't even want to go. It seems so silly to me, but I am legitimately freaked out.

On top of that I have a really big fear that I'm going to end up bugging the crap out of the friends I do have here. I know they have their own friends and things they are involved in, but I can't help feeling a little pushed to the side at times, which is probably really ridiculous of me. But, I;ve always had that fear with friends. i don't really see myself as a very memorable or important person so I;ve gotten used to friends coming and going to make room for their newer friends who seem to be much better than me. It's a little self depreciating, I know, and I really don't like that I tend to feel this way. It's just that certain events over the last year have led me to having this sudden loss of self esteem.

I know I'll get over it, as I always do. I've just done a lot of overthinking lately. I just have to keep telling myself everything will be fine and that a lot of these feelings are just in my head. I'm usually not a whiney, lame mess, as I think most people know, so please excuse this venting. I'm sure in a few hours I'll be feeling perfectly fine. Tis life.

Ok...

So, I've bene super busy the last few days (not to mention without internet!) and haven't really had much time to think about blogging, updating, social networking. But, today I got my internet up and running, FINALLY! which made me do a little happy dance all throughout my living room.

I officially moved to Muncie on Saturday and so far I absolutely love my apartment! When I have more time and things are all put together and looking like I actually live there and not like I'm still moving it I'll post pictures of it. My bedroom is a dream and my living room is huge! I'm still taking it all in and getting used to living alone and away from everyone.

Tonight I'm heading back up to Fort Wayne to surprise my boyfriend and see our friends at our weekly Bdubs dinner. Joseph doesn't think I'm coming back until Friday so I'm excited to hopefully surprise him a little bit, even though it's only been a few days. I can't help it, we already miss eachother...pathetic huh? Then tomorrow is my brothers birthday, Thursday I have errands, Friday is Joe's birthday, Saturday my whole family is doing birthdays at the lake, and Sunday we're doing Joe's birthday with his family. So, I won't be back "home" until Sunday night, the night before classes start. Not how I ideally wanted to use this weekend, but it will be good and busy!

I'll be back to normal posting and keeping up with my blog once things get more settled and I have more time to use this space the way I intended it. As in more than just a bunch of random updates haha.

An ode to the future Mrs. Poole

Tomorrow at noon, my bestie Amy Doll Marie Benkenstein will marry JSP in Nauvoo, Illinois! I could not be happier or more excited for the two of them. They are perfect for each other!

I remember way back when last summer when I visited Amy out in Idaho and she kept talking about this really awesome guy named Jeff. She really liked him but wasn't so sure if he liked her back. Upon finally meeting the infamous Jeff I assured Amy that I thought Jeff really did like her and that she should stop worrying her pretty little head. A couple of weeks after I had left for Indiana I got a text from Amy that her and Jeff were finally together! After many texts and conversation and many months Amy finally came home and had some big news to tell me. One night after some adventures around Fort Wayne I was driving her home when she broke the news that her and Jeff wanted to get married...in July...and I was one of the first people to know. It took everything in me not to shout my excitement for my bestie from the rooftops, and I kept my lips sealed for another couple of months until one night in May I finally got this on my phone...

Now another couple of months have gone by and Amy and Jeff are in Nauvoo prepping for their wedding tomorrow. It's kind of weird having someone I've been so close with get married, but I couldn't think of a better guy for her.

Even though she's getting married and will be living far away from the Midwest Amy will always and forever be one of my nearest and dearest friends. She is not only and incredible friend, but an incredible human being. Her undying faith and morals are something I will always admire. She has been there for me throughout nearly every important milestone of my high school and college years. She doesn't judge and is always compassionate. I love her very much and she will make a wonderful wife and mother...some day.

Happy Wedding Day Jeff and Amy!!!! I really hope it's the "best eternity ever!"

 I haven't really felt much like writing here lately. Mostly because I've been feeling pretty nervous, self- depricating, and scatter brained. I don't know if I really want other people to know that. I've been waiting for better days to come but it seems like it's taking forever. Everyday is something else. Hopefully things look up soon.

Saturday

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon...and I'm at work. Somehow I got coaxed into working a few hours today to get caught up on some things. At least I'm getting paid double time so my paycheck on Tuesday will be nice, but I'd much rather be enjoying the weather. I'd love to be on the beach at Lake James like last weekend.

Oh well. I'm hoping boyfriend will want to do something outside tonight. Greekfest is this weekend as is Riverfest. I really want to go to both. Hopefully we make it to one or the other!

I hope everyone else has a lovely weekend!