Resolutions

After weeks of build-up and preparation, the holidays are officially over. Christmas has come and gone and it is now an entirely new year! I can't believe how fast it all has gone by and how quickly all of 2011 went. 2011 was quite an interesting year to say the least. It was full of ups and downs, self discovery, making new friends, losing old friends, going on adventures, pushing through school, spending time with the people that I love and so much more. It wasn't the best year of my life thus far, but it was memorable all the less.

As with each new year people tend to make resolutions. I've always been on the fence about New Years resolutions. They always seem so repetitive and not given much thought. I think it's good to have goals going into a new year, but i also think it's important to have solid and specific goals that you can achieve. I always tend to have thing I'm working on or towards, be it a new year or not. But, I have thought up a few resolutions to start with for 2012.

• Cook at least 3 healthy meals a week. I love cooking and really enjoy it. I'm usually pretty good about cooking when I'm down at school. However, in the dwindling last weeks of the semester I got really lax about it and turned to takeout and eating out more. Since I've been home for break I've been eating more unhealthy things and haven't had many home cooked meals. 
• Workout 4 days a week. My apartment complex is right by a YMCA and there is a rec. center on campus, I also have access to free workouts through my cable provider and have workout dvd's. So basically I have no excuse not to get myself to the gym. I lost nearly 20 pounds last year and have gained half of it back from not being diligent with my workouts. I've been working on a workout plan that will fit with my schedule. I think working out at least every other day is doable.
• Be less selfish. Many times over the last year, especially the last month, I have found myself in situations where I realize I am being selfish. It's so easy to slip into that mindset consciously, and even easier to do it without realizing it. I am just one small person in this world and am surrounded by so many other people. I am not the most important and I should not act like I am. I need to be more supportive of my friends and family and be happy for them no matter what my feelings are. I am not entitled to anything and need to keep that in mind when I start to feel that I am.
• Keep my car clean. When it comes to cleaning I do not win any prizes. I absolutely hate it. I tend to toss things in my backseat and then when I have people riding in my car I toss those things in my trunk. The last time I looked my trunk was nearly full to the brim with shoes, jackets, sweatshirts, papers, books, etc... I've been like this since I got my first car when I was 16. Car washes make me tense up and the thought of sweeping my car out makes me drag my feet. It's completely silly and lazy, I know. Starting today I'm cleaning my car completely and will do my best to keep it that way all year.
• Get all A's and B's. This past semester was the first time I've gotten all A's and B's in a year. I always tend to do really well in all my classes and then have one that I'm more careless with. It feels good to know that hard work pays off even when at the time you feel stressed and like it's not worth it. I'd like to continue with that good feeling.
• Be a better friend. This is always something I keep in mind every year. I've learned a lot about what i means to be a good friend and a bad friend over the last few months and it's given me a lot of insight. I always like to think of myself as someone who is there for her friends but I know I have my times where I fall behind in that aspect. I want to strengthen my friendships more, new and old. There's that line from the Tigers Jaw song people like to quote "I learned a lot about being a friend when I was alone". I can definitely relate to it. I strive to be a good friend and will strive for that even more this year.
• DIY more. I'm in love with diy and crafting. I just don't do it very often. I always have excuses for not doing it but in the interest of living on a college budget and being able to make things on my own, it's something I'm looking to do more. I have a slew of projects I'm wanting to do, most at the moment include making homemade cleaning supplies, and I've already gotten the ball rolling by buying supplies.
• Save more money. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't resist a good shopping excursion. But, lately I've been doing much better at refraining from making unnecessary purchases. I'd really love to have extra money around for when I'm in a pinch or even for extra fun. I really would like to go on a trip sometime this year for a 3 day weekend or so and with Joseph having family in Cincinnati and my best friend moving to New York this would be the perfect time to start saving up!
• Read a book at least every two weeks. I love reading, but I never have time during school it seems. Because of this I have just thrown my hands up and not found the time to read for fun. Part of my 12 things before 2012 was to read 1-2 books before the end of the year which I accomplished. I forgot how good it feels to read something you actually enjoy and how much joy and pleasure there is in that. Instead of plopping in front of the television when I'm done with all my work for the day I'm going to try and pull out a book and focus on squeezing in some prime reading time.

I'm sure I could think of more, but these are the goals I'll be focusing on for now. Happy new year everyone!

And They Call It Puppy Love...

Yesterday I became the proud owner/"mommy" of the cutest little six week old puppy. I am over the moon! I have wanted a puppy for as long as I can remember and never thought I would ever actually have the joy of calling one my own. But, now I do have a little girl that is all mine that I got to name and will get to care for and raise, little Gidget! I think it suits her perfectly; it's cutesy and spunky all rolled into one!

The way in which she came into my life happened so fast I'm still a little shocked that it really happened. Tuesday night, while I was working on my organizational skills, Joseph's sister in-law posted a link on my Facebook about a litter of puppies in Fort Wayne that were really cheap. Half joking I emailed the link to my mom who instantly fell in love and called the breeder Wednesday morning around 10. By the end of that conversation an appointment was set to meet the pups. Sometimes between 10am and 2pm it was decided that I should drive home to Fort Wayne to go meet the puppies with my mom. At 6:30 we were pulling up to the breeders home and by 6:35 I was in love with a little black and white baby girl. By 7pm, and $150 later, I was in the car headed back to my mom's with my very own puppy in tow!

 So far Gidget has turned out to be quite the eater. During her "lunch" today she just couldn't get enough!

I wasn't the only one to become a puppy parent. One of my younger brothers couldn't resist the lone male of the litter and left with his own little baby, Milo.

I know some people think it's silly and dumb to dress dogs up. But seriously, look at her in her itty bitty dress, and her teeny tiny bow and tell me that isn't adorable. I won't keep her in clothes all of the time, but I couldn't resist during our outing to the pet store today,

Cash was super excited to meet her. He kept telling us all how cute she is and even sat down and read her one of his little books about dogs.

Joseph is also in love. One look at her and his heart instantly melted. He already refers to her as his baby girl. It's so cute to watch him oogle over this little ball of fluff.

We were all a little worried about my mom's dog Rizzo. She's been our baby for 3 years now and she definitely makes sure everyone who comes along knows that she is the head little lady of the household. At first she was standoffish, but today she's really warmed up to the puppies. It's almost like she's acting as a makeshift mom. She's always checking on them and sniffing them and she won't go outside unless they are out in the yard with her.

 

I still can't believe my luck! I'm soaking it all up and enjoying watching all the cuteness that is my little Gidget! I can't wait to take her back home and get her settled into my apartment. Expect lots and lots of posts to come about training and raising this little ball of puppy love!

Kicking the Cupcake

For the last month or so I've been getting serious about losing weight and working hard to do so. I've picked up a real workout routine and began cooking healthier and really paying attention to everything I put in my mouth. I didn't feel comfortable sharing anything about my weight loss journey until I knew I was committed and making progress. This week I hit my 5% goal of losing 10 pounds so I figured that meant maybe it would be ok to give others a peek into what I'm doing. About a year ago I started a blog dedicated to my weight loss, but that never really ended up happening, but now it has! With that I've began chronicaling my thoughts on losing weight and my personal journey again.

If you want to follow along with me and see what I'm up to on that front, head over to Kicking the Cupcake. I plan on sharing recipes, workout tips, my own struggles, and a lot of other things. So if you feel so inclined you can head over there and take a peek!

Venting my life

I often sit and wonder lately where I have gone. Sometimes I'm not sure I know myself very well anymore. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be, and it's a really weird thing. I used to be very outwardly opinionated, social, outgoing. I could easily make friends, strike up a conversation with a stranger and find common interests. I was independent, self sufficient, all knowing of my feelings and convictions. I didn't need anyone, didn't feel like I had to rely on others for happiness. I could occupy myself, feel just as good spending time alone as I did with others, not insecure.

Now...now I am this mess of emotions. A self-concious, timid, worrisome, stranger I don't even recognize. I stress out over trying to find people I click with. I overanalyze my friends behavior towards me. Some nights I can't stand being in my apartment alone. I register my happiness through the actions of others, and rarely feel like I'm interesting enough for anyone to care to get to know or keep around. Crying seems to happen a lot and I am constantly down on myself. I don't know this person at all.

I've tried to blame it all on moving, on not really knowing anyone, on the stresses that come with a total change in routine. But, I know it's much more than that. It goes back to around this time last year, when people who I considered to be my best friends completely ran out of my life with no explanation. The treatment I recieved from them still makes me angry today...ignored texts, ignored phone calls, the silent treatment, talking behind my back, treating me as though we were never friends to begin with. It really hit me hard because these people (more specifically one person) whom I trusted with everything, that I spent nearly every single day with, that I kept secrets for, that I would drop everything to help, completely turned their back(s) on me. I suppose I never really have gotten over it, especially because there are some extraneous factors that make it even harder to swallow, constant reminders/slaps in the face that we are no longer friends. Not to mention that at this same time the  girl I had been best friends with for years and I drifted apart. It's all really taken its toll over time.

I guess right now I just really feel down and out, though I try really hard to mask it. I do have a wonderful family, a loving boyfriend, and awesome friends. I should be counting my blessings and looking at the positives. Right? Right. "Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself" And end self-deprecating crap.

Bed Bath and Beyond is the current love of my life

A few things I've bought for my apartment lately...

KitchenAid hand mixer.

KitchenAid toaster. (I have a matching blender too that I got for Christmas last year haha)

Marilyn Monroe cutting board (yes her face is made of various vegetables!)

I finally found bedding I liked after the bedding I was in love with went out of stock!

I'm probably way more excited about my apartment than I should be, but at my mom's I've had the same bed and furniture since I was little and at my old apartment it was furnished and we couldn't really do much with it. So...this is going to be my little project. If I have a place all to myself I'm going to take advantage of making it mine!

Passing resolutions

It has officially been 2010 for fifteen days and I conciously avoided making any "New Years resolutions" upon the turn of the new decade in order to avoid the flood of cliche promises. However this doesn't mean I have a few things I'd like to work on during the coming year. While these may be somewhat simple things to alter and make happen I have found making smaller less daunting goals make accomplishing them a lot easier. With that said these are a few of my top goals for 2010!

1. Be a better friend. I have been preoccupied, I have been busy, I have not been the best friend I can possibly be. I try to be there for my friends as much as I possibly can be, but I know that a lot of times I miss a beat in the area. I have spent so much time obsessing and feeling tinges of loneliness over losing a few people from my life who, in all honesty, really weren't that great to me, that I haven't fully been 100% there for the wonderful friends I do have in my life. Also, I seem to have let my job and boyfriend and school work interfere with being open and available. With that said I am going to focus on being there for all of my friends more for whatever they may need and of course to spend some quality time.

2. Work on my fitness. I tend to be lazy. I compose all of these grand ideas to get off my booty and work-out, stretch my limbs, and move that body...but they remain just that, ideas. I'm not saying I need to become an excercise junkie, but getting some walking or jogging or yoga or core work-outs in a couple of days a week is tangible. I already have almost completely overhauled my eating habits (not that I really actually ate too bad before) in an attempt to be a healthier me. I have a personal goal to lose 20 pounds this year, and that is not going to happen by simply willing the pounds to melt away.

3. Focus focus focus. I have the hardest time focusing on things such as work and schooling. I am constantly distracted or put off by the task at hand. This needs to stop. For once I need to look at the bigger picture, instead of thinking about how if I just put off homework for another hour to do other things and then toying around with putting it off some more, I could just sit down and get it done right away so I would have more carefree free time. I really need to study more and actually pay attention to my assignments so I can get the grades I am capable of. Also, at work I need to just grin and bear it and focus on my work, as boring as it can be. This will make me a better student and employee and will probably actually remove a lot of my stress.

4. Take back my sushi night. Last semester for a few weeks every Thursday I would drive to Fresh Market, get sushi and soup, put my comfy clothes on, and curl up on the couch. It was the perfect time for me to just relax and unwind and have some true "me time". After awhile however the short lived tradition broke and I stopped taking time just to be by myself. I'd love to get that one night a week back to just be with me. I think having some alone time is healthy and necessary for ones mental health. It's time to steal back those little moments of peace and quiet.

5.Cough up the cash. This is specifically applying to music. I illegal download far too much and it has gotten to the point that I have even downloaded local artists (I know I'm horrible!). From now on if there's a song I really want for my ipod or a new album I want comes out I will make a quick click to itunes or grab the cd on my next store visit. No more stealing music!

6. Keep it clean. My room is an absolute terrible pigsty of a mess. My closet is vomiting clothing and shoes, I have shopping bags everywhere, things that I have been meaning to hang up for months are lining the walls. Maybe this says more about my shopping addiction than my cleaning habits, but regardless I am bound and determined to keep my room (and apartment for that matter) presentable.