On Holiday Anxiety

I love Christmas time. I love the music, the weather, the cheer in the air, how people are a little more friendly, the lights and colors, the treats, and so on. It's probably my favorite time of year. However, with every Christmas season comes Christmas anxiety for me no matter how in the spirit I am feeling. Being a child of divorce I've spent years worrying about holidays and how time is split between both parents, with Christmas being the hardest for me to cope with. Even though my parents have been divorced since I was 8 and I am now 22 I still grapple with the stress of making sure all of my love is spread and no one is alone or left out or feeling bad. Add to the fact that my dad now lives two hours away and Joseph and I go to both of our families festivities and you have a hot mess of Christmas anxiety right here.

Luckily this year my dad has his girlfriend and her family to spend Christmas with so I don't worry about him being alone, but I still wish my brothers and I could be there. Even though we'll celebrate a couple of days later I can't help but feel my usual anxiety rise. Only during the holidays does the little 8 year old girl in me come back wishing her parents were back together so Christmas was easier. When I was younger I always felt so bad on Christmas. Either my mom was crying because we were leaving to go to my dad's, or my dad was upset that we weren't spending the day with him. I could never win, even though it really wasn't my fault, and it's been something that's followed me throughout life.

It probably sounds petty being in my 20's and still juggling a sense of sadness and frustration about my Christmas family predicaments. I'm trying my best to not let it ruin my cheer. This year is going to be one of the best and most friend and family Christmas' I've had in awhile. It will be the first Christmas Joseph and I will spend 100% together (our first Christmas we had only been dating over a month so we didn't do all of the family stuff and last year I was in Florida until Christmas day). It is also the first Christmas since I stopped working that I've been able to afford to get people good gifts (I REALLY saved a lot and went without a lot of groceries ha!). Gift giving is one of my favorite parts of the season, mostly because I love picking out wrapping paper and giving to other people. This year I have gotten something for everyone in my family, plus Joseph, plus everyone in Joseph's family, plus my closest friends. It's a wonderful feeling! Not to mention I've gotten in so much holiday music and Christmas light looking already!

I'm learning more and more how to shake it off and am hoping that someday I'll no longer even have Christmas anxiety at all! Just like everything else, it's a process and you have to focus on the positive!

Giving Thanks

I know Thanksgiving has already come and gone, but I think it's still nice to look at everything you are happy for. Even though Thanksgiving comes once a year and we're told it's meant to be a holiday to reflect on what you are the most thankful for, I really try to do it more than once a year even when it's seemingly hard to find anything to be grateful for. So, without further ado I'd like to share a few of the things I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful for...

• being a living, breathing, functioning person.
• a roof over my head and and the opportunity to further my education.
• a puppy that loves to snuggle and is always happy to see me when I get home no matter what.
• bedtime phone calls no matter how tired the person on the other end is.
• Ball State friends that I now consider real friends.
• finding that cooking and baking can be stress releasing.
• holiday cheer.
• Olive being born healthy and happy and perfect.
• Baby Poole still cooking in his mommy's stomach and being a healthy boy.
• friends who I can go days or even weeks without seeing but nothing changes.
• life lessons that may not be too pleasant now, but will pay off in the end.
• a car that works and gets me where I need to be.
• not having a car accident this year or getting a speeding ticket, both of which I've had the two years in a row previously. (Knock on wood!)
• professors that are encouraging and want you to succeed.
• people that hold doors open for you and smile when you say thank you and vice versa.
• friends that don't try to be anything else other than who they truly are.
• long, warm, summer days and rainy, cold, fall nights.
• an encouraging and supportive family.
• talks about life and the future.
• the distance between Indiana and Idaho no longer being relevant, and 3 weeks being shorter than 3 months.
• the want to be creative and crafty which will hopefully lead to the next step of actually being creative and crafty.
• learning how to live on very little money.
• 2 year old kiddies who are excited to see you every morning without fail.
• distance making the heart grow fonder, even if that distance is only an hour and a half.
• bedtime puppy cuddles.
• knowing that the future is going to be wonderful.
• ongoing curiosity.
• help when help has been needed but hasn't been wanted to be asked for.
• long walks on campus that help me think.
• love and encouragement from the places least expected.
• coffee and Diet Coke.
• a momma who still loves it every time I come home.
• a warm bed with the most comfy mattress I've ever slept on.
• having Joseph by my side for all of the ups and downs and never leaving and vice versa.
• the lone Nutella snack pack I've ever had in my life.
• spending so much time with my family over Thanksgiving.
• so so so much more!

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and continue to have a great next few weeks of holiday fun!