Day 9

Five things you want to see change.

I'm not really sure if this is alluding to in the world or from myself, but I'm going to go ahead and focus on five things I want to see change with myself.

1. My constant need to need people. I always feel like I need the people in my life far more than they need me. It's really not a good feeling and usually not true. I've gathered a lot of dependence on the people around me and cling to this fear that I'm going to lose them. (This mostly occured after losing a group of friends I had thought would never let me down, when it turns out they were extremely selfish and not goo for me to be around.) I need to come back to being happy with myself and not reading into every little thing.

2. My lack of ability to sit down and read. I always have an excuse for not reading yet I love books and I constantly buy them. I'd like to take some time each day to sit outside on my balcony and read.

3. My lack of confidence in social situations. When meeting new people I kind of freeze and clam up. Even when I'm with people I know I have this notion that they don't really care much for what I have to say. This has gotten better in the last few months but thinking about my move down to Ball State in August is giving my anxiety about not being able to meet new people. I just need to get over my insecurities and let everyone know how fabulous I am.

4. My inability to leave procrastination behind. I put the pro in procrastinator, so much so that I wrote a paper about how much I procrastinate and procrastinated on that paper and got an A. While I like creating non existant free time for myself I should really just suck it up and get my homework, cleaning, etc... done right away. I'm sure it would ease a lot of stress and probably make my grades a little better.

5. My teeter tottering resiliance to just living. I'm a worry wart and a realist, not everyone sees it or expects it from me  as I love to be a dreamer, but in the end I am. I suppose the first person to really point it out to me was my boyfriend. He pointed out all these litting things that I freak out over and all these plans for the next years, 5 years, 10 years, I keep making and told me I was going to drive myself crazy. It's true. I'm slowly starting to let go and rediscover the care free me that disappeared not to long ago.