This may be little personal, but I'm kind of just going to take a second and vent and then feel better. Hopefully I'll start for real blogging again someday!

I'm going through a phase, that's what I'm calling it at least. I don't exaclty know what that means, but I am. I feel like I don't know who I am and what I'm doing or where I'm going. I just feel lost. That's the best word I can use to describe it, lost. I wake up every morning with the feeling of a huge weight on my chest. I sleep longer than I used to. I got to bed earlier than I used to. I cry more. I get angrier easier and more frequently. I get in bad moods for no apparent reason.  I can feel it switch on and off and I know when the bad feelings are moving in. I go from extreme happiness and perkiness, to terrible terrible lows where all I want to do is drive and cry or lay in bed and cry or really do anything while I cry because it makes me feel better.

There are a lot of outside contributing factors to this as well as some imbalances in my own chemical make-up that I know need to be addressed. I'm having the hardest time deciding about school next year. I applied to transfer back home, but I'm still enrolled at Ball State. My indecisiveness about the whole thing is plaguing my mind. I also just feel very lonely. It's been a constnat for the last few months but sometimes it just consumes me. I miss a lot of people way too much. I feel like others that I am friends with keep leaving me out of things. Others, just take advantage of me and peoples complete disregard is infuriating. I miss my far away bestie all the way out on the other side of the country. Other things I just can't explain.

God bless Joseph for dealing with me lately. He's definitely the one who gets the brunt of my anger/happiness/sadness. Without him I would most definitely legitimately be crazy. I've been considering talking to a doctor or counselor or something, but it takes a lot of work to get to the point where I feel like I can be comfortable asking for help. I know it will come someday soon and that it will help, it's the getting there that is rough.

To make things a little more lighthearted, here are some pictures of what I've been up to lately!