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I often think about where I have wandered off. I don't feel like myself, I'm more distant and disconnected. I meddle through my days and float through my nights, eventually finding my way back to dream land at some unGodly hour before I have to wake up ridiculously early for work and repeat it all again. Time gets away from me. I don't even know what I do that takes up all of my time every moment of the day. I feel down in the dumps and unsure where I'm going and what exactly I'm doing. I hang out with the same two people everyday. I go to work everyday (except the weekend). I go to class. I repeat. This isn't what I want. I want excitement and adventure and newness.
I wish I would have never stopped going to FHE and talking to the missionaries. I felt the best I've felt in ages during that time. I don't even know why I ventured away from it entirely. I got scared I guess, scared Amy left, scared of how my family would react, scared of making such a big change. Then when I went to Idaho I felt good again. I'm just so scared to do things on my own, which sounds dumb. Maybe someday.
I need to focus more on school. I'm doing alright but of course I could be better. Especially since I want to transfer out aftet this semester. I need to be be busting my butt. Good thing there are still many weeks left until the end of the semester.
I have more to say but I feel like I'm complaining so I won't. I don't even know why I'm blogging about this. Oh well.
What To Eat This Week: 9/27/25.
3 hours ago
3 comments:
Katerkinz.
I don't blame you at all for being scared. I want you to know that you are always welcomed at FHE though. And if you need help contacting the missionaries or something I will help you. I know it's really scary. But is being scared worth giving up you being happy? I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. I just want you to be happy because I love you. I hope you can at least keep reading your Book of Mormon and praying. Don't worry. I'll be home soon to go with you to the scary things.
We will talk about this more via text or phone, yes?
You are beautiful. I love you. And so does everyone here in Idaho. We still talk about how we miss you.
Katie I totally agree with Amy. It is scary doing something big and life changing, I was terrified coming out here and I've been a member my entire life. I didn't even have to go through missionaries and all of that before, so I am sure that is even more stressful for you. Sorry if this is so not helping, but I will say this: It's the things that push us the farthest that teach us the most. And this push is totally worth it.
If you ask me, I say you should make like the pioneers and come out west :)
ily and you deserve happiness :)
Katie, I totally understand about being scared.
I don't know you well enough to say that I have been in the same situation but I have definitely felt the same feelings and sometimes you just have to go outside of your comfort zone to find something that makes all the terrible feelings go away.
You are your own first priority and you are wonderful and never, ever forget that.
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